The Hassles Of Big Lunches
by LifeSpiralz
Summary: Delia gets it in her head to make ANOTHER big meal--this time a big lunch. But you won't BELIEVE who's on the guest list this time! WE ARE FINSISHED...
1. Barbecue Sauce And A Drool Face

The Hassles Of Big Lunches

Sequel to The Hassles Of Big Breakfasts. Delia gets it in her head to make a huge lunch the next day. But you won't believe who's on the guest list this time!

Hi, everybody! It's me again. It took me reeeeeeeally long to get this one up because I took forever writing it and just when I was ready to post it, stupid computer breaks! I ought to throw this thing on the junk pile as soon as I'm done with this story. Argh. Any-wayyy...this is the sequel to "The Hassles Of Big Breakfasts", in case you didn't read the summary. I really, really hope you guys like this as much as the prequel. There are a lot of humor-seeking people out there who need a good laugh to ease their troubles so DON'T TRY TO STOP ME!!...Oh, this isn't about shooting me down?...What's that...Oh! The contest! Yeah, right! Of course! 

Well, like I said, the first two people who got the questions right would get in. Unfortunately, we had a problem. Only ONE person who entered got it completely right! So what am I supposed to do? Well, I had to think hard about fixing this. I considered just deleting the second person, but I didn't really want to do that. So, I decided on picking the person who was not right but came the closest. THEREFORE, I have my two people. The first one got it right, and the second one got it almost right. Now, here are the two winners...

~*JennyRogue*~

~*Maia's Pen*~

Congratulations, you guys! You're grafted into my stories as the characters Jenny and Maia! Yay! *confetti falls and chokes me* Aheeem! And if anyone decides to complain saying Maia didn't completely get it right, I have eyes, I can read, and you should've been reading the note I had above. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I must be honest. 

Since JennyRogue got it completely right, she gets the honor of appearing first in the first chapter. I had to do SOMETHIN' as a reward for her winning! And Maia appears in the third of about seven chapters. I think seven, at least. So, anyhow, here's the story! Thank you so much for tuning in! Enjoy, now!!

Pokémon is not mine. I wish, though. Heh heh, then I'd make Ashie get a job! Oyeah, and I don't own Kool-Aid either.

Note: I decided to try something a little different. When any of the Pokémon talk to each other, I'll switch to Pokémon language so you can understand them. It'll add a little fun to the story. No trying to guess what Pikachu just said! Yay! But that doesn't apply for when they talk to humans! And I'll also let you hear Pikachu's thoughts at times. Okay, now, moving on! It's about time I started the story, eh?

***

One: Barbecue Sauce And A Drool Face

Delia Ketchum was a very kind and sweet-hearted woman. She loved doing things for other people. Unfortunately her breakfast seemed to do nothing but make a great idea for a sitcom. A big breakfast didn't do it. But what about a big lunch?

Delia would love to make a nice big lunch. Not just for Ash. Of course not! But for a lot of people. Delia looked down at her paper and began to write.

"Misty, Brock, Gary...hmm, Professor Oak and Tracey are on that trip to see Professor Elm, why I don't know...let's see now, who else?"

Delia did not know. "Oh, well, I might as well be happy with that guest list and go shopping for my groceries!" She picked up her purse.

"Mr. Mime, I'm going grocery shopping! Be a dear and lock up the fridge!" Delia called as she walked out the front door. Of course, she was kidding.

Um, yeah.

Ash was upstairs, asleep. Pikachu had safely moved its bed to the floor beside the bed as opposed to the foot of Ash's bed. It had a white bandage shaped like an X on its forehead where it had gotten those two bruises.

The front door slamming shut after Delia left woke Pikachu up. It yawned and stretched. Crawling through the cracked open door, it wandered down to the kitchen where Mr. Mime was contentedly sweeping.

"Hi, Mr. Mime," Pikachu said in Pokémon language.

"Hello, Pikachu," Mr. Mime greeted back.

"Where's Ash's mom?"

Mr. Mime continued to sweep. "She went grocery shopping. Is Ash Trainer Ketchum asleep?"

"Yep," Pikachu said. It felt its bandage and grimaced. "I hope Ash's mom doesn't try to cook any more breakfast. I can only hope that she will not do anything to attract Ash's sense of smell."

At that moment, Ash stumbled down the stairs. His eyes were half-open, one of his socks had gotten off his foot and onto his hand--_some_how--and his black hair was an absolute mess. He yawned himself into the kitchen.

"Hey, Pikachu. Hey Mr....yawwwwn...hey," Ash said sleepily. He sat down in his chair, then fell forward on the table and fell asleep again.

*~*

"I think this is...everything!"

Delia looked down at her list. "Ingredients for grilled cheese, soup...Kool-Aid packs...hamburgers and cheeseburgers...fries...chips and cookies...condiments...I think this is...everything! Hmm...didn't I just say that?"

Delia was having a hard time reading her list because of the mound of groceries piled high in her cart. She couldn't even see over the cart, so it was no surprise that she slammed into something. It was a free samples counter.

"Hey, lady! You wanna watch it?" the kid behind the counter yelled.

Delia blinked and looked at him. "I'm...sorry, young man," she said as she bent down to get her fallen groceries.

"'Sorry' ain't gonna cut it!" the kid roared. He waved his hand at the puddle of reddish sauce on the floor. "How'm I gonna sell my Magmar Barbecue Sauce if doofuses like you knock my counter over!"

"She _said_ she was sorry, you jerk!" a new voice jumped in. Delia looked up to see a girl with long brown hair and blue eyes wearing a white shirt and black shorts glaring at the boy. "Why don't _you _move your cardboard box out of the aisle, you sorry carcass!"

The two people glared at each other. Finally the boy broke down. He picked up his cardboard box counter and jar of sauce and moved away, grumbling.

"Are you okay, lady?" the girl asked.

Delia blinked. "Well, I've felt better, but thank you for asking."

The girl smiled. "You're welcome." Then she frowned. "He didn't smack you or anything, did he?"

"Oh, no, no he didn't," Delia said. She stood up and extended her hand. "My name is Delia Ketchum."

"Jenny Evans," the girl said, shaking Delia's hand. "Nice to know you. So, you shopping for all of Pallet Town or what?"

Delia smiled. "No, actually, I like making large meals for a group of people and these are my lunch fixings. Say, would you like to join us? My son Ash and some of his friends will be there."

"Sounds great," Jenny agreed. "But...uh...how did you plan on getting this mountain of groceries back to your house?"

Delia laughed nervously. "I honestly had no idea until you came along!"

*~*

"Ash Honey, I'm home!"

Ash awoke with a start and wiped the drool off his cheek. "What? Who? When? Mom? That you?"

"Yes, dear! Come help Jenny and I with the bags!"

Ash walked like a zombie from the kitchen to the living room where Delia was. With her was a tall girl with brown hair and blue eyes carrying half the many bags. "Who're you?" Ash demanded bluntly.

The girl smiled. "Nice to meet you too, Drool Face. I'm Jenny."

"I'm Drool--Face!" Ash rubbed his cheeks hard with his fingers. "No, I mean, I'm Ash Ketchum!"

Pikachu came out and greeted Jenny in the Pokémon fashion.

"And this is my buddy Pikachu," Ash said.

"Pikachu? Cute. But I like Raichu better," Jenny replied frankly.

"Don't say that so loud around Pikachu," Ash warned.

Delia gritted her teeth. "Ash, are you going to stand there or will you _please _help your mother with these exceedingly heavy bags."

Ash took the grocery bags from Delia. "Sorry, Mom," he said.

Jenny loomed over Ash. She was a head taller than he was. "Boy, you're kinda short, Ash. Are you ten?"

Ash made muffled sounds like he was trying to stifle a yell. "Twelve!" he cried finally.

"Sorry," Jenny said.

***

Whoa! That was kind of longer than I had intended. Whoowee! But if you like longer chapters, I could probably make them longer. Oh, and one more thing. Some of you may have noticed only one of my guest characters is here. Our second one, Maia, will be here in Chapter Three, like I said, along with three surprise guests, so keep your shirt on. ANYWAY!

*Brock is lovestruck..*

"AH!" Brock cried. He stepped on Ash's head to grab Jenny's hands. His face turned romance red. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on! I am drowned in your radiant beauty!"

"Get off me or I'll drown you in the sink!" Jenny ordered.

*And Pikachu makes a plea...*

Delia looked down. "What is it, Pikachu?" she asked.

"Pika pi chu pika pi!" Pikachu cried.

Delia blinked. "And that means..."

"Pikachu just said don't make any eggs," Ash translated

Next time in "Cupid's Mistake"!

~Life, the girl with too much time on her hands

Do the three R's! Read, review and relax!


	2. Cupid's Mistake

Life: Everyone, I have to apologize for my slothiness. I'm really sorry that it took me...*checks calendar-watch* um, FOREVER to get the next chapter. But that's because my sis was in the hospital and, well, she's very important. So, forgiven and forgotten? Good. I promise on my story's life that I'll be faster next time. But my stupid computer mouse doesn't work now, so you see my dilemma...Okay, moving on. Thanks for the encouraging reviews!!! Here's the next chapter!!!!!!!!!! *cheesy grin*

***

Two: Cupid's Mistake

"All right then, I'll see you when you get here...Goodbye." Delia hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Ash asked from where he, Jenny and Pikachu sat at the dining room table.

Delia came over to the table. "That was one of my guests for lunch!" she said. 

"Great, Mom," Ash said tonelessly.

Jenny looked at him. "Don't sound so enthusiastically enthusiastic," she said sarcastically.

"I'm too tired to be enthusis...thiastic...whatever you just said," Ash replied, leaning his head on his fist.

"Let's see now..." Delia said. "I think I called everyone. Yes, Brock, Misty and Gary. All right, now I can cook!"

"_Gary_?!" Ash cried, jolting to alertness. "You mean that low-down-dirty-rotten-no-good-sausage-and-waffle-stealing-thief Gary?!"

"We don't know any other Gary!" Delia said cheerfully.

Jenny raised an eyebrow. "Do I wanna know what you're talking about, Ash?" she said.

Ash slammed his fists down on the table. "Gary'd better not take anything I put dibs on _this _time!" he growled.

Pikachu watched Ash. It was thinking, _Boy, I'm sure glad Ash doesn't know how to use a Thunderbolt attack like I do or we'd all be in trouble!_

"Ash Darling, please don't attempt to break my table," Delia said as she put on an apron. At that moment the doorbell rang. "Oh, that must be them! Ash Honey, please get the door!" Delia then disappeared into the kitchen.

"Oh, why do I gotta?" Ash sulked as he slumped out of his chair and to the door. Jenny followed.

Ash opened the front door. "Hi, Ash!" Misty greeted. Behind her was Brock and Gary.

"Hey, Misty, hey Brock," Ash greeted. "Who invited you, Gary?" he snarled at his rival.

Gary sneered at Ash. "Your mom did, remember? Or can't you remember that either?"

"I oughta..." Ash growled as he grudgingly let Gary in. Misty and Brock followed.

Brock looked up and saw Jenny. "Huh?" he said. Then he realized, he was struck.

"Ash, watch out!" Misty cried.

It was too late. Brock crashed into Ash, sending them both to the floor. Brock got up, rubbing his head and feeling quite embarrassed, until he spotted Jenny again.

"AH!" Brock cried. He stepped on Ash's head to grab Jenny's hands. His face turned romance red. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on! I am drowned in your radiant beauty!"

"Get off me or I'll drown you in the sink!" Jenny ordered.

Ash dragged his head out from under Brock's foot. He stood up, rubbing it as Brock drooled over Jenny's beauty.

Misty sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "When will you give me a break?"

"C'mon, guys, let's go to the dining room," Ash said, still rubbing his head. They all walked into the dining room and sat in the chairs.

Pikachu hopped up onto the table next to Ash. It sat down happily. Then it had a thought and jumped off the table fast.

"Hey, what's wrong with your Pikachu, Ash?" Jenny asked.

"You know Ash or something?" Misty asked her.

Jenny eyed her suspiciously. "I just met him. Is there a problem with it?"

Misty shook her head. "No, of course not. My name's Misty, and this is Brock and Gary. We're all Ash's friends."

"Why are you his friend, you womanizer?" Jenny asked Brock bluntly.

"I'm not a womanizer!" Brock protested. Then his face turned red again. "You're my only love!"

"If I only had a weapon..." Jenny trailed off. "Just do not touch me again. My name's Jenny."

"Do you know any of the Officer Jennys?" Misty asked.

Jenny gave her a you-just-sounded-so-incredibly-dumb look. "That had better not have been a joke, Misty," she said.

Misty's face turned red, and she looked away.

"Hey, Pikachu," Ash called, coming into the kitchen. "What's up with you, buddy?"

Pikachu was just on the point of tugging at Delia's skirt to get her attention.

Delia looked down while flipping a burger, flipping a half of grilled cheese, mixing a packet of Kool-Aid with a pitcher of water, opening a can of soup, and chopping up three slices of cheese. "What is it, Pikachu?" she asked.

"Pika pi chu pika pi!" Pikachu cried.

Delia blinked. "And that means..."

"Pikachu just said don't make any eggs," Ash translated.

Delia stopped all she was doing and picked Pikachu up. "Poor Pikachu! You don't have to worry. Even if I was making eggs, I would have made sure you got yourself a portion with no harm to your head!"

Pikachu smiled a large Pikachu smile. "Pi pi pikachu chu!" it said.

"What was that?" Delia said.

"Pikachu just said then go ahead and make some eggs," Ash translated again.

***

Yay! We're a-done with the second chapter! *cheers victoriously* So, is anyone happy? I really hope this is as good as the prequel. Any encouragement would be more than welcome! Oh, yeah! The previews! Here's a sneak peek at Chapter 3!

*A little problem...*

"I love you!" Brock said, lost in Dreamland.

"Well, I most certainly don't even _like _you!" Jenny replied.

Brock stroked his chin and smiled. "Playing hard to get, eh? That's all right. I can wait!"

For just a moment, shoving Brock's head into the soup tureen was tempting to Jenny.

*And our second guest arrives!*

"I don't mean to interrupt your...whoa, _humongous _lunch, but there are two very strangely dressed people and a talking Meowth standing on your porch looking into your window and drooling," she said.

"Tim Rerkit!" Ash cried through a mouthful of soup.

"Ash, no gargling soup at the table," Delia said. She turned back to the girl. "Would you like to join us, er...?"

"My name is Maia," the girl said. "And yes, I'd love to. You certainly have enough for one more."

So, please read and review! I can't wait to hear from you! Thanks a bundle! And have a nice lunch!

~Life, the girl with too much time on her hands


	3. Four Unexpected Guests

Life: Hi, guys! It's me! Now, here's the story!

***

Three: Four Unexpected Guests

Silence.

Delia continued to cook. She was getting kind of hot from standing right next to the stove with all four burners on, but she valiantly continued.

More silence.

Delia's makeshift timer--a teakettle filled with water--went off, signaling that the fourth round of burgers were finished cooking. Delia piled them onto a large plate and pulled condiments and buns out of the fridge.

"Are we playing the Quiet Game?" Gary questioned, shattering the silence.

Mr. Mime stood guard with its broom, ready to do battle against anything Delia spilled on the floor. Ms. Ketchum, however, was rather agile and deft when it came to cooking. Not even a bread crumb got on the shiny tiled floor.

Silence greeted his answer.

"I think everything is just about ready!" Delia said, turning off the burners. "All I need to do now is mix up the six pitchers of Kool-Aid and pull out the bottles of soda!"

Ash sighed and everyone stared at him silently.

"Mr. Mime, would you go out to the dining room and tell everyone that the food is ready?" Delia asked her faithful house Pokémon.

Ash shrank into his seat. Silence seemed to be choking him.

Mr. Mime burst into the dining room, making everyone seated around the table jump. Ash fell right out of his chair and landed hard on the floor on his butt.

"Mime!" Mr. Mime announced.

Brock brightened. "Lunch!" he repeated.

Ash got up off the floor and rubbed his behind, wincing. "That really hurt," he complained as he gingerly slid into his chair.

Delia walked carefully into the dining room somehow balancing three big, heavy plates in her arms. Piled on each one was delicious, wonderfully-smelling food.

"Wow. That looks great, Ms. Ketchum," Jenny commented.

Delia set the plates onto the center of the table and went in the kitchen for the rest. Ash reached for the plate of burgers, but Misty smacked his hand.

"Ouch!" Ash cried, pulling his hand back. He watched a large spot on it turn pink. "Why'dja do that?" 

"Would you care to wait for your mother?" Misty snapped.

"If that's the case, he can eat, because _you're _acting just likehis mother. Right?" Jenny shot at her.

Misty glared at Jenny. Jenny glared back. The two girls weren't exactly bosom buddies.

Brock's face turned romance red again. "I love a tough older girl!" he said in his I-think-I-love-you voice.

__

Meowthfight, Pikachu thought, assessing the situation.

Finally Jenny broke the hot stare. She tossed her head, her long hair lifting on the wind she caused, and looked out the large dining room window.

*~*

She walked slowly down the street. _Training stinks when you have nothing to eat, _She thought woefully. Her limp blond-highlighted brown hair hung in Her face.

__

If I don't get a meal I will die, She thought to herself, pulling Her hair out of Her gray eyes. _I can't even buy anything here because I have no money._

A strange noise made Her look up. Two people and one Pokémon stood on the porch of a lovely two-story house looking through its front window. They wore strange clothes that looked like uniforms. The girl had long red hair that stuck out, and the guy had chin-length blue hair. Their Pokémon was a Meowth.

__

Is that where they live? She thought. _Why don't they go in?_

The conversation they began was even weirder.

"I wish that twerp's mother would make _me _something," the young woman said. She sounded as though she'd been walking through a desert with no water.

"Yes. Everything looks...oh, look at that mountain of hamburgers!" the guy cried.

"I wish dey'd trow somethin' out fer us," the Meowth said, thoroughly surprising Her.

__

What is that weird stuff running down the...ewww! Are they drooling _on that window?! _She thought, grossed out. She felt it Her duty to alert the people of the house. So She marched up on the porch and knocked on the door.

The droolers turned to look at Her, but She ignored them.

*~*

"Ash Honey, someone's at the door. Would you get it, please?" Delia said as she came out of the kitchen with more plates piled with heavenly food.

"Aw, why do I gotta again?" Ash whined. He slumped to the door.

Ash was the only person sitting between Brock and Jenny. Brock saw this as his chance. He got out of his seat, skipped across the room, and grabbed Jenny's hands again.

"I could've sworn I said keep your hands off me!" Jenny yelled at him.

"I couldn't help it! I love you!" Brock said, lost in Dreamland.

"Well, I most certainly don't even _like _you!" Jenny replied.

Brock stroked his chin and smiled. "Playing hard to get, eh? That's all right. I can wait!"

For just a moment, shoving Brock's head into the soup tureen was tempting to Jenny. She probably would have tried it, too, if Ash hadn't come back with a girl trailing him.

"Mom! Visitor! She says she has urgent news!" Ash called, sitting back in his seat. Misty had come over by then and dragged Brock back to his own chair by the ear.

Delia came out of the kitchen with a final plate and saw the gray-eyed, brown-and-blond-haired girl. She wore plain blue jeans, sneakers, and a big hoodie with long sleeves that extended over her hands, leaving only her fingers to be seen.

"Hi," the girl said simply.

"Well, hello," Delia said, smiling a sunny smile. "What can I help you with?"

Ash dunked his bowl into the soup tureen and scooped up some soup. Jenny and Misty both grimaced.

"I don't mean to interrupt your...whoa, _humongous _lunch, but there are two very strangely dressed people and a talking Meowth standing on your porch looking into your window and drooling on it," she said.

Jenny's eyebrows flew up. "A talking...Meowth? Okay."

"Tim Rerkit!" Ash cried through a mouthful of soup.

"Ash, no gargling soup at the table," Delia instructed. She turned back to the girl. "Well, thank you for that news. Would you like to join us, er...?"

"My name's Maia," the girl said. "And I'd love to. You certainly have enough for one more."

Delia smiled a smile that could have lit up the Rock Tunnel. "Wonderful! Just have a seat at the table, please! Ash, go outside and invite Team Rocket in!"

"_WHAT_?!" Ash sputtered, spraying his mouthful of soup back into his bowl. Pikachu gagged, and Misty and Gary turned away. "Team Rocket! Mom, why?!"

"Well, they're obviously hungry enough to drool on my window, so why not let them in!" Delia told him cheerfully.

Ash couldn't believe his mother was telling him to invite his enemies in for lunch. What, had all the steam gotten to her? But he slunk out of his chair and grumbled his way to the door. He threw it open, completely surprising Jessie, James and Meowth.

"Mom says come in for lunch," Ash growled at them. He felt even madder when their faces lit up.

"Lunch!" Jessie squealed excitedly. She knocked Ash over and charged into the house, James and Meowth on her heels. Ash picked himself up, slammed the door closed, and stormed his way into the dining room after them.

__

Hold on, Ash thought, _how do they know _exactly _where the dining room is?_

***

Life: Hey! The chapter's finished! Well, it was a little longer than I had intended, but I had to get Team Rocket in the door before the end. I hope you liked it!

Kelly: Yeah, me too.

Life: Oh, Kelly, you said you had something to say. Say it!

Kelly: I don't have anything to say.

Life: Uhhh, then why did you say you did?

Kelly: Because I wanted to lengthen your story. Joke's on you. Ha ha ha.

Life: *sarcasm* You are _sooo _funny. I won't even laugh!

Kelly: No, don't deprive me. Please.

Oh, I decided to add a seating chart! Helps the readers!

Delia--Brock--Ash--Jenny--Misty--Maia--Gary--James--Meowth--Jessie--Delia. Got it?

*Finally a successful interruption...*

"Prepare for trouble, we're here for lunch!" Jessie said.

"Make it double, we'll eat a whole bunch!" James added.

Ash walked in. "We don't really care, so just shut up."

Jessie and James stared at Ash and then sat down at the table.

*And someone is going crazy...*

Ash reached for the big, juicy burger he had put dibs on. He wanted to eat it now. Only...it wasn't there anymore.

Ash's head immediately swung around to face Gary. Gary was eating a big, juicy cheeseburger.

"GAREEEE!" Ash screeched. "I HAD DIBS!"

~Life, the girl with too much time on her hands.


	4. Meal Madness

Life: It's me! Again! Thank you all for the lovely reviews! Here we go!

***

Four: Meal Madness

Everyone stared. Jessie, James and Meowth had just come into the dining room. Even though Delia had said loudly and clearly that she wanted to invite them in, no one was happy to see them.

"Well, good afternoon, Team Rocket!" Delia said cheerfully.

Jessie and James looked at each other. And then the music started up out of nowhere.

"Prepare for trouble, we're here for lunch!" Jessie said.

"Make it double, we'll eat a whole bunch!" James added.

Ash walked in. "We don't really care, so just shut up."

The music stopped abruptly. Jessie and James stared at Ash and then sat down at the table.

"So, what's your name?" Maia asked Gary.

"Gary Oak," Gary said.

"Don't you have, like, six cheerleaders following you around everywhere?" Maia went on.

Gary nodded. "I gather you've seen me on TV?"

"Did you see 'im when he lost to _me_?" Ash butted in as he sat back in his chair.

"Now, Ash, no interrupting at the table," Delia admonished.

James stared at the huge plate of hamburgers, his mouth agape. He looked frozen in time.

"Yes! I saw the whole entire Johto League Competition!" Maia said, smiling so big that her eyes were almost closed. "It was great! Too bad Ash kicked your butt in the second round. And then Harrison kicked his butt in the top sixteen. And then Harrison's butt got kicked by John Dixson who--"

"All right, we _get _it," Jenny cut in.

Maia turned to look at Jenny. "I wasn't finished," she said evenly.

"You've said enough for the entire population of Kanto, Perky," Jenny shot back, getting herself some grilled cheese.

"And you ought to be a member of Team Rocket with that attitude," Maia replied. She grinned. "Oh, well, I'll just talk to this redhead over here. So what is your name?" she asked Misty.

"Mommmmm," Ash whined, "Team Rocket's got _all _the cheeseburgers. I wanted sommmmme!"

"Now, Team Rocket," Delia admonished. "Remember there's---" Delia suddenly stopped talking and did a head count "--five other people plus Pikachu that wants some of everything too."

Jessie got a gleam in her eye. _Ah, how could we forget Pikachu? _she thought evilly. _This lunch is so big everyone'll be stuffed to capacity. No one will be able to move, and then after lunch we can capture Pikachu! *Sigh* A girl with smarts, style, and good looks is terribly hard to come by these days!_

Ash reached for the big, juicy burger he had put dibs on. He wanted to eat it now. Only...it wasn't there.

Ash's head immediately swung around to face Gary. Gary was eating a big, juicy cheeseburger.

"GAREEEE!" Ash screeched. "I HAD DIBS!!"

Gary smacked loudly to anger Ash. "I coulda sworn we've already been through how useless dibs are," he said as he bit into the cheeseburger.

__

Gary will PAY before lunch's over, Ash promised himself as he glared at Gary. If looks could kill, Ash would have been wanted for murder.

James packed one burger after another into his wide open mouth like he was afraid they'd all disappear if not eaten in three to five minutes. "Mmm--" munch, munch, smack "--y'mmy!"

Misty stared at him. Maia had to tap her on the shoulder seven times before she finally responded by jumping and knocking her hamburger onto Jenny's legs.

"Aaah!" Jenny screeched, leaping out of her seat. Burger grease, ketchup and a few bits of melted cheese decorated her lap. "You stupid idiot, I ought to _kill _you!" she screamed, shaking her fist in Misty's face.

The room fell silent.

"Jenny, there's a bathroom down the hall," Delia mentioned cautiously.

Jenny smoothed her hair and cleared her throat. "Okay, I'll go clean up." She left.

Everyone watched her go.

"My, Ms. Ketchum, this soup is delicious!" Brock complimented.

"Why, thank you," Delia said sincerely.

Somehow the assorted conversations resumed.

***

Well, that was sorta short. But unfortunately for me, I have this terrible, horrible, possibly terminal disease which is interfering with my recreation in storytelling. It's called Writer's Blockosis. So, um...get me Tylenol. Yeah, Tylenol cures everything! *gags on Tylenol* except choking. But you probably don't even care if I die from Writer's Blockosis so long as I finish up my story. Well, I will. Here's your previews!

*If Ash loves food, James worships it.*

James couldn't even close his mouth, he had packed so much food in. Even Ash thought that was ridiculous.

__

That is so gross, Ash thought as he smuggled another hamburger into his pocket.

*And Brock is teetering dangerously on the edge...*

"I swear by the sun, moon and stars that I will win your heart!" Brock pledged dramatically.

"Get away from me," Jenny said.

Everyone except Brock did just that.

"There's no use denying it!" Brock said, his face so romance red that it was nearly aglow. "Someday you too will admit that we were meant to be together!"

__

Crack!

I bet you wonder what that crack was. Well, maybe you can guess, but you won't know for sure unless you tune back in! That's next in Chapter 5 "Food Worship And Squashed Love"! Doesn't it just _sound _like something insane?

~Life, the girl with too much time on her hands.


	5. Food Worship And Squashed Love

Life: Hi again! Hi, hi, hi! Glad you came back! Yes, indeed! I loved the many, many reviews I received! *looks at large number of reviews and faints*

Kelly: Great. Now Life is dead. Oh, well, I guess I'll have to take over. Here's the next chapter. *refills everyone's buckets of popcorn*

***

Five: Food Worship And Squashed Love

Jenny returned to the table half an hour later. There were still some dark spots on her pants but she looked all right.

"Did everything come off, Jenny?" Delia asked.

Jenny smiled. "Yep," she said. She turned to Misty. Misty turned to her. Jenny drew a finger across her throat and let her tongue hang out. Misty paled and looked away quickly.

"Hey, Mom, where's the soda?" Ash asked after inhaling a burger.

Delia held up a three-liter of grape soda and thumped it down loudly on the table, making all the plates rattle.

Brock bit off another small piece of his cheese burger. Then he caught Jenny's eye and held it up for her to see.

__

He ate it into the shape...of a heart, Jenny thought in disgust.

James got three more grilled cheese halves and piled them on his plate. He then took the halves, his three burgers, his sandwich, and his small bowl of soup and crammed it all into his glass of Kool-Aid, which he then picked up and guzzled.

Maia's eye twitched at the performance of gluttony.

James had soon shoved in three more sandwiches. He couldn't even close his mouth, he had packed so much food in. Even Ash thought that was ridiculous.

__

That is so gross, Ash thought as he smuggled another hamburger into his pocket. _At least I'm saving mine._

"So, um, Ms. Ketchum, do you always make big, big meals like this?" Maia asked. "I don't think it's bad, of course. I think it's wonderful. But it must really cut into your pocketbook, right?"

"Oh, don't worry," Misty assured her. "Ash eats like this all the time."

"Hey!" Ash protested.

Misty gestured with her fork. "Oh, don't try to deny it at all, Ash Ketchum," she said. "While we were traveling, you would've eaten Brock's vest if you had even _thought_ it was made of some kind of food."

Ash stood up and glared at her. "Would not!" he said. "I'm no food hog!"

As if to disprove his point, some of the hamburgers he'd sneaked fell out of his pocket and onto the floor.

"Uh-huh." Misty said, her chin in her hand, her elbow on the table, and her eyes half-closed in triumph, narrowed in Ash's direction. "_Not _a food hog. I gotcha."

"Ash Ketchum!" Delia scolded as she stood up, her hands on her hips. "I made it clear that I didn't want you stealing any food away from the table. Now you go and change your pants so that that burger grease won't leak into your underwear."

Red-faced, Ash got up and left for his room amid snickers from Team Rocket and Gary.

Mr. Mime hurriedly swept the wasted burgers away.

Brock thought he saw another chance to try and win Jenny over. So he got out of his chair and leapt in lovestruck strides to Jenny's side. He grabbed her hands again.

"Do I need to punch you for you to get the message?!" Jenny yelled at him.

"There is nothing either of us can do against fate! I swear by the sun, moon and stars that I will win your heart!" Brock pledged dramatically.

"Get away from me," Jenny said.

Everyone except Brock did just that.

"There's no use denying it!" Brock said, his face so romance red that it was nearly aglow. "Someday you too will admit that you and I were meant to be together!"

__

Crack!

Misty's eyes widened.

Delia gasped.

James' finally empty mouth hung open.

Pikachu shrank back a little more.

Maia stared.

Waterfall tears streamed down brokenhearted Brock's cheeks. Jenny had just slapped him across the face. "NO!" he cried. He melted into a puddle of despair. "What will I do without my true love?"

Misty came over and, instead of grabbing him by the ear, she mercifully took his arm and led him back to his chair.

***

Kelly: There you go. It's the end of the chapter.

*Life is lying in Kelly's lap, still passed out*

Kelly: Well, I think that, despite what the large number has already done to her, LifeLite even now wants more and more reviews. So, please continue to review. If LifeLite really does die, rest assured I'll take over the story.

Raucous Reader: No! You're too boring!

Kelly: Shut up before I send an assassin after you. Now, where was I...

Life: I'm alive! Yaaah! I'm _aliiive_!!

Kelly: Hey, did you see the reviews?

Life: Where?

*Kelly points to reviews. Life sees and faints again*

Kelly: But continue to review. Thank you very much.

Life: *arises* Yes, do! Thanks, guys!

~Life, the girl who faints from large amounts of good reviews.

(no previews because my hands hurt! Sorry.)


	6. Potiential Poisoner Served With A Messed...

Life: Hi, guys! I'm revived this time for good!

Kelly: Did you see the large amount of new reviews you have?

Life: Huh? What? *sees new reviews and faints*

Kelly: It's like a rerun. Anyway, here's the next chapter of the increasingly insane story.

***

Six: Potential Poisoner Served With A Messed-Up Meal

"...So, anyway, the PokéMart in Goldenrod City is really, really big, and I went there and I went up on the roof, and I saw this really cool looking Charizard fly by--it was so big and its wings were all shiny and the flame on its tail was huge--and I thought 'Wow, that thing is so cool!' and ever since Charizard has been my all-time number one very best favorite Pokémon and I just can't get enough of them..."

Maia was dominating the conversation at the table. She had been so for about twenty minutes, and somehow she hadn't taken a breath yet. Everyone was staring at her with half-closed eyes and leaning on various parts of their hands and wrists. All except James, who was still gobbling food.

"...And I think that anyone who's had or has a Charizard is really, really cool because only really smart people can catch a Charizard because they are sooo smart and sooo powerful and that's probably why I like them and I've tried to catch one but it turns out this girl named Liza owned it see it had a big pink bow on its head and it didn't occur to me that that probably meant it already had a trainer 'til she ran out and said 'Stop! Don't catch Charlette! She's mine!' and then I realized and it turns out she has a whole, whole bunch of Charizard and that was so awesome I got to see a lot of them and there was this one that looked really mean but it was just faking and it was really cool looking and if it had been in the wild I woulda tried to catch it but I knew it was Liza's so I didn't but she said she had come to Goldenrod City because she liked to fly her Charizard around to keep them in shape and they just happened to fly to Goldenrod City and I thought it was really awesome because all of her Charizard were really--"

Maia stopped and took a breath.

"--Strong."

She turned to Ash. "So, what were you saying about owning a Charizard?"

Ash jolted to his senses. "Uh--I--oh yeah! I have a Charizard," he said. It was that one comment he'd made that made Maia begin to talk about how much she liked Charizard.

"I like Raichu better," Jenny commented, casually looking down at her plate.

Maia looked over at Jenny. "Weeell, that's your opinion!" she said cheerfully.

Jenny looked at Maia, then she turned to see where Misty was. Misty had switched seats with Gary so she was two chairs away from Jenny now.

"Does anyone want more Kool-Aid?" Delia asked.

Everyone said yes.

Jenny jumped from her chair. "I'll get it for you, Ms. Ketchum," she offered, already headed for the kitchen.

"Thank you, Jenny," Delia said.

Ash watched Jenny go. Jenny pushed through the swinging door, grabbed some glasses, and filled them with Kool-Aid. Just before the door swung closed, Ash saw Jenny sprinkle _something _into one of the glasses.

"So, Gary, if any of your cheerleaders got, let's say, injured, how would you replace her?" Maia asked.

Gary shrugged. "I guess I'd ask around."

Maia smiled.

Jenny came out with a tray of Kool-Aid-filled glasses. "Here we are!" she said with a little too much cheer. She placed glasses in front of everyone.

"Hope you enjoy, _Misty_," Jenny said with a mischievous smile as she put Misty's glass in front of her. Misty looked down at the glass in suspicion but said nothing.

Brock still had tears flowing down his face, but he thanked Jenny for his glass of Kool-Aid. "Drinking this Kool-Aid will remind me of what we once had!" he said.

"What?" Maia asked. "A fight?"

Ash watched Jenny. She sat down at her seat and watched Misty with a strange gleam in her eyes. Ash recalled how much she seemed to dislike Misty and realized what it must be.

Jessie grabbed another grilled cheese half and bit into it happily. "Mmm-mm-mm! Wonderful food!"

Misty lifted the glass to her mouth.

Ash gasped. She was about to--!

The next few moments seemed to move in slow motion.

"NOOOOOOO!!" Ash slow-motion cried He slow-motioned himself out of his chair and dived over Jenny, slowly knocking her backward. Her foot hit the table and upset three plates of food as Ash threw his arms forward and knocked Misty's glass out of her hand. The red Kool-Aid splashed all over Maia's hoodie and Gary's sleeve. Maia slowly let out a squeak and accidentally slow-motion threw her glass of Kool-Aid in Gary's lap. Trying to avoid it, Gary's hand knocked into his glass and he splashed his Kool-Aid on James.

There was silence. Then Delia interrupted. She looked angry.

"Ash Ketchum, _what_ is the meaning of this?!" Delia cried. "Why are you making such a mess?!"

"I-I saw Jenny put something in Misty's drink!" Ash defended from the floor. "It had to be poison or something! I was only trying to save her!"

Jenny raised an eyebrow. "Poison? Ash, I was putting extra _sugar _in my own glass. Why do you think I'd poison Misty?"

Ash blushed, accenting the red Kool-Aid drying on his face. "Sh-sugar?"

"Yeah, sugar," Jenny said. "I was only hoping Misty would choke on her Kool-Aid."

"And you ruined my hard work for extra _sugar_?" Delia looked positively angry. "This is impossible!"

"Heh heh," Ash said sheepishly. "Sorry Mom."

Delia looked at all the spilled food and drinks. "I suppose we'll have to cut the meal short," she said.

"What parts I had was good," Maia piped up, wiping her face with a napkin.

Jenny was snickering. "Ash ruined the whole lunch because he thought I poisoned you!" she said to Misty. "I may want to kill you, but I'd do it in a better way."

"Boy, that makes me feel safe," Misty muttered.

***

Life: I'm back! And I'm almost finished! What did you think? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Kelly: Yes, please enlighten us.

Life: We have only about a couple more chapters after this, so, uhhh, we're almost done! Please read and review! Pleeeease!

Kelly: We'll be right here. It's not like LifeLite has a life. Her pen name is deceiving.

~Life, the girl with...oh, forget it this time


	7. Twerps Rhymes With Glerps And Usurp

Life: Hello! Welcome! Glad you could make it back! Here's the next chapter!

***

Seven: Twerps Rhymes With Glerps And Usurp

"All right, everyone, clear out!" Delia yelled twenty minutes later, after all had cleaned up. She began clearing the table as her many guests left the dining room.

__

Ah, perfect time to steal Pikachu, Jessie thought. _Now if I can only find a way to tell James and Meowth..._

"That was delicious!" Maia said. "I'm full!"

"Gee, Ash, your mom must be a millionaire to buy this much food just for lunch," Jenny said.

"I wonder how much she has for dinner?" Maia said.

Brock had finally mopped up his tears and seemed to be recovering. No one could miss the red mark on his cheek though. "Who would've thought your mom would call me in Pewter City just to have lunch here!" he said to Ash.

Ash's eyes widened. "She _did_? Tell me she didn't."

"She did," Brock said.

Gary reclined on the couch, taking up all three cushions. "Boy, if your mom didn't exist, I really wouldn't like Ketchums, Ash!" he said.

"Alright, _look_," Ash growled. "I let you come in my house. I let you eat up my food. I let you steal food that I had dibs on--_three _times. The _least _you could do is quit insulting me!"

Gary just snorted.

"Oh, Gary," Maia giggled. "You're terrible."

"Yeah, I know," Jenny replied. "Just like you."

"Why do you keep snapping at me?" Maia asked her.

Jenny glared at Maia. "Why do you keep acting like an airhead?"

"Why do _I _keep letting Gary push me around and steal my food!" Ash roared.

"Ash, you eat too much food, anyway," Misty said.

"At least enough to fatten up the entire population of Kanto, if not just them," Gary added.

Ash suddenly dived at Gary, knocking him off the couch. They rolled together on the floor.

"Hey! Cut it out!" Maia shouted.

"Kick his butt, Ash!" Jenny cheered.

"Ash! Stop acting so immature!" Misty yelled.

Brock managed to pull the two apart. "Now, there's no reason for you two to act like you're Pokémon in a battle," he said to the two panting boys. "I think we can settle this like mature adults."

"That's the problem, idiot," Jenny said sarcastically. "There _are _no mature people in this room, except for me. Much less any adults."

"I resent that remark!" Maia said.

"Resent away, sister!" Jenny shot back.

Misty got between them. "Stop!" she yelled. "We don't want another fight on our hands!"

"I wasn't asking for any trouble," Maia defended.

"She was preparing to get creamed, that's all," Jenny chimed.

Somebody whined. Everyone turned to see Jessie with her hands on her ears. "I can't...oh, the pressure...I can't stand it!"

"Can't stand what?" Gary asked.

That question was answered when the music started up.

"Prepare for trouble, you asked for it, twerps!" Jessie said.

"Make it double...um, what rhymes with 'twerps'?" James asked.

"Glerps," Ash suggested.

Everyone gave Ash an is-your-I.Q.-twelve-or-what look.

"Oh, that isn't a word?" Ash said in a small voice.

"You could have said 'slurps' or 'burps' and then you wouldn't have sounded like a stupid moron," Misty told him.

James tapped his finger on his chin and looked up at the ceiling. "Oh, I know!" he cried. "Make it double, this lunch we will usurp!"

Everyone gave James a you-poor-fool-why-on-earth-did-your-mother-have-you look.

"Do you even know what 'usurp' means?" Jenny asked him.

"I thought it was a fancy word for eat," James said.

Everyone exchanged now-I-know-he's-a-totally-pathetic-idiot glances.

Jessie grabbed James' arm and dragged him to the door. "We'll be leaving now," she said. _Who cares about Pikachu? I'm not letting James humiliate Team Rocket anymore!_

"Tell Mizz Ketch'm dat da meal wuz grayte," Meowth said as he followed Jessie and James out the door. "An' sorree fer da Koollayed on da floah. I wuz jes' tryin' t' drink it."

***

Life: Done with another chapter! My hands are starting to cramp from all this strenuous typing!

Kelly: And don't forget to review. We would love to hear your comments and constructive criticism.

Life: But I want good reviews mostly! Very many, many, maneeeee!

Kelly: We have one more chapter, so try to stay tuned, people.

Life: Yes, please do! Thanks, thanks, and, well, more thanks! This is really fun!

Kelly: So she says. But you don't see me laughing.

Life: Well, anyway, bye!

~Life, the girl who wishes she had a Pikachu and eats Ramen noodles after midnight

*~*

Life: Thought I forgot the previews, didn't ya? Nope! Here it is!

"Ash, go change your pants before the burger grease soaks into your underwear," Gary said in a fake motherly voice. "And while you're at it, do it out here so we can all laugh at you!"

"Aw, shut up, Gary," Ash growled. "I hate you and your sausage-waffle-_and_-cheeseburger-stealing ways."

Gary went on. "I told you to buy some Slim-Fast, but no, you refuse to stop eating all my food. Did you know I filed bankruptcy yesterday because I have a $320,237,185,758,246 food bill?"

That was it. It was war.

That's next time in "After-Lunch Combat'!


	8. AfterLunch Combat

Life: Hi. I'm being unusually solemn because this is the very last chapter of The Hassles Of Big Lunches. So, here is the final chapter of my story...

Eight: After-Lunch Combat

"Aw, you're leaving?" Ash complained.

"Sure am," Jenny said. "I'm on a busy schedule, and there's enough tension in the air to cut and serve. So, I figure I'll be on my way," she told him.

Ash pouted, sticking out his lower lip. "Mmmmm..." he whined. "Do you gotta go now?"

Jenny patted Ash on the head. "Ash, I am only a person," she reminded him. "I'll see ya. And the rest of you weirdos, including you, Misty, let's not cross paths again." She left.

Misty's face turned red. "If I never see her again, it'll be too soon," she muttered.

"Actually, I have to run, too," Maia said, yanking up the sleeve of her hoodie to check her watch. "I have to pick up my designer hoodies from the dry cleaners, and then I have to buy myself some jeans, and then I have to plan the downfall of one of Gary's cheerleaders--I mean, plan the dinner menu, so, I'll see you guys!"

"Bye!" Everyone said as Maia left and went in the opposite direction Jenny had gone in.

Brock cleared his throat. "I have to go, too," he said.

"Why?" Ash asked.

Brock's face turned romance red. "Because I just realized that Maia is my true love!" he said. He skipped out the door on his tiptoes, hearts in his eyes and swirling around his head.

Ash, Misty, Gary and Pikachu stared after Brock with a poor-Maia-I-hope-she-gets-away look.

"Do _you _have to go, too?" Ash asked Misty and Gary.

"Nope," Misty said. "I'm leaving for Cerulean City in three days."

"Nah," Gary said. "Might as well torment you a little longer, Ashie Boy."

Misty shoved Gary's legs off the couch and sat down.

"Whaddya mean, 'torment me a little longer'?" Ash asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowed.

Gary snickered. "Ash, go change your pants before the burger grease soaks into your underwear," he said in a fake motherly voice. "Better yet, do it out here so we can laugh at you!"

"Hey!" Ash cried. "That isn't funny!"

"Sure it is!" Gary said. "Remember, Ash, if you don't remember to wear clean underwear every day, I'll give you a spanking!"

Ash glared at Gary. "Aw, shut up, Gary," he growled. "I hate you and your sausage-waffle-_and_-cheeseburger-stealing ways."

Gary went on. "I told you to buy some Slim-Fast, but no, you refuse to stop eating all my food. Did you know I filed bankruptcy yesterday because I have a $320,237,185,758,246 food bill?"

That was it. It was war. "_GARY_!!" Ash screeched. He grabbed a sofa pillow and attacked Gary with it.

"Hey!" Gary cried. He grabbed another sofa pillow and began to defend himself.

Boys are so stupid, Misty thought.

Human boys are so stupid, Pikachu thought.

Gary started to hit Ash with his sofa pillow. "Ash and a milkshake, sittin' in a tree," he began to sing. "K-I-S-S-I-N--"

Ash shoved his pillow into Gary's face and knocked him down.

"--G," Gary continued after he stopped Ash from nearly smothering him. "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes--"

Ash beat Gary over the head with his sofa pillow. He chased Gary all around the living room.

_I wonder what comes after marriage? _Misty thought idly.

Gary dived behind the sofa for cover. When an infuriated Ash didn't come sailing over it to get him, he peeked up over the top.

Ash flung his pillow into Gary's face.

Gary fell on his back. "Big mistake, Ashie Boy!" he sang out. "Now I have your pillow and you have no weapon!"

There was silence. Then Ash leaped over the sofa with a sofa cushion in his hand.

"Whoa!" Gary rolled over just in time to be missed by the flying cushion. He grabbed the pillows and stood up.

"Take back what you said!" Ash yelled at him.

"Take back what?" Gary asked.

"All the stuff you said!" Ash told him.

Gary shrugged. "You want me to take back the truth, Ashie Boy?"

Ash jumped at him and whacked him in the face with the sofa cushion. Gary fell back.

"Stop it! I said _stop_!" Misty yelled.

Ash and Gary turned and stared at her.

"If you two don't cut it out, you'll break something. Like each other's necks. Or some of Miss Ketchum's stuff," Misty warned. "So cut it out!"

Ash glared at Gary. Gary sneered back.

_I take that back, _Pikachu thought. _Human boys aren't stupid. All humans are stupid. I'm glad I'm a Pikachu, because I don't see why trying to harm somebody would be fun._

Life: Finished! All finished! My story is over! takes snacks from readers

Kelly: Aren't you sad.

Life: Hee hee! Well, yes, this is the end. So sad it had to end! But who'd want to read a funny story with, say, 320,237,185,758,246 chapters, hmmm?

Kelly: A story that long would take forever.

Life: If they updated it every day, it would only take 320,237,185,758,246 days!

Kelly: Boy, you're smart.

Life: And that would take 877,362,152,762 and one-third years!

Kelly: Are you sure about that estimate?

Life: Nope!

Kelly: Thought so.

Life: Oh, one more thing. I love to write stories, therefore, I'm taking a stab at the serious stuff. The story has yet to have a name, but you'll know it's mine; it'll have my pen name beside it.

Kelly: Well, this story has to end. So bye.

Life: Everyone who reviewed...YOU MADE THIS POSSIBLE!! If not for you, I would have quit this thing long ago. I thank you profusely! See ya! Bye! And have a nice lunch!

Life v


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